The week of finals starts tomorrow. The madness begins...

I am reminiscing of my "what ifs". Had I studied more during this year maybe I wouldn't feel this way. Had I not taken on so many extra curricular activities at the beginning of the year I wouldn't be here. Maybe if I wasn't so self destructive with myself I would be more constructive with my time and flourish. Become my best self that I know that I am able of being...

Clearly I like to beat myself up...

And yet the more I think on my "what if's" the more I dig into that hole.
Obviously it would be nice to be better. To set goals and improve. But I think that with how school goes, especially graduate school, there will always be uncertainty. There will never be moments of satisfaction.

I need to learn to be ok. I need to stand strong in the middle of the wildest tornado. And even if I am getting beat up, yes even if I am doing it to myself, I need to find somewhere to come back to.

I am looking. Where is it?


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