Showing posts from April, 2016

Second Year of Vet School Meditations

When you have a dream, a goal in mind, its easy to fall into the daily routine of striving for it. Some think those are the hardest days, the days of work, the days that fly by.
Personally I believe that time flies when you're having fun. As long as you're enjoying what you're doing then the journey seems effortless. Falling into the state of "flow" is bliss.  The lost days are the most difficult days. The days without goals, the days without ambitions.
As mentioned before I envisioned a future several years ago and strove for it. It pushed me to look past the pain, the difficulties. But now that the passion in my profession is lost and my relationship has deteriorated, I feel lost in my future.
I envisioned myself working as a veterinarian saving puppies' lives. Sadly this won't happen often. School has dehumanized me to see puppies not as bundles of joy but as work. Each puppy brings with it possibilities of congenital issues, parasites that it may hous…

Temporary Love

This might be a slightly pessimistic post. Bear with me.

I spent 12 years of my childhood striving for a goal.  Figure skating was what I strove for and when I lost it, it was heartbreaking. It was all that I knew so losing it was like losing a part of myself.

That loss has taught me how adaptable we are as humans. I found new goals, a new passion to pursue. Veterinary school was what I dreamt about. I imagined that once I got that everything would be perfect.

Now that I am here I am again experiencing heart break. This time it is slightly different from the injury that ended my skating career. It is a personal battle. Veterinary school and the veterinary profession is not what I hoped that it would be. Additionally the sacrifices that I feel I have made has taken more than I bargained for.

Reminiscing on the sacrifices that it took to achieve this goal, I realize that this goal may have just been a cloud and there is no silver lining. Yet I hope that it does show up. I hope that righ…

Medical Couture...

Recently I wrote an article on medical depression and suicide. It has been quite eye opening to realize that there are words to describe what I have been going through these past two years. Also its nice to see that I am not alone.

I have realized that there is this culture of medicine that has been engrained in healthcare professions from the start.

I have been trying to explain it to my family but they are unable to understand what I have been experiencing.

I suppose you have to go through it to truly feel what I have been feeling. And I do not wish that they experience it.

I wish it was as simple as the stress of studying and exams. But there is so much more to healthcare training. There is hazing, competition, judgement and personal battles that are so much more stressful than school alone.

In undergrad I was somewhat of a introvert, a loner. But I have had this huge culture shock of dealing with future colleagues. Its a bit like a sorority but here we don't compete for who c…