Be Still...

I am burdened with what the Buddhists call the ‘monkey mind’ – the thoughts that swing from limb to limb, stopping only to scratch themselves, spit and howl.
Elizabeth Gilbert

Hush, hush... Be patient... It will come... And it will go...
Do not fret. All in good time. My monkey mind you worry so.
Just let it go...

Strength

What is strength? Some may think of muscles. Some may think of an emotionless surgeon. Some may think of bricks. So what is the definition of strength?

Strength, I believe, depends on each situation. Strength can come from holding back. Strength can be from pushing on. Strength can come in small gestures or in big decisions. It can be a confident yell or a shaking murmur but nonetheless both demonstrate strength.

I hope that in the years to come I grow in strength. I can only hope. It is not something I can force but when the load comes I hope that I can bear it. I hope the same for all of you.

A Prayer Into the Unknown...

May I go where I am needed. Where ever fate desires me best. May I not resist that path and enjoy the views along the way. And if I need to resist I hope that it is for a just cause. May I learn to quiet the chattering mind that yearns for so much yet gets lost along the way when it runs ahead. May I be accepting of the dark, the light and the in-between. Not only in others but in myself. May I give myself more space so that I am able to act and not react. And if I am reactive, forgive myself and try again. May I see emotions for what they are, circumstances manifesting themselves in me. May I not take things personally. However may I understand the emotions of others and be empathetic.
May I be kind to each life I meet. May I treat each life like I would want to be treated. May I be strong enough to remember good values in tough times. With each passing year may I grow wiser and realize what it truly important.

A Letter To My Anxiety

Hello Anxiety,

I wish I wasn't saying hello to you again, but you are always around. Buzzing around in the back of my mind. Flitting from one thought to the next. You keep me from focusing on what needs to get accomplished. You keep me from being at my best. You keep me tossing and turning at the end of the day deep into the night. You make me wake up gasping for air in the darkness from a gut wrenching nightmare. In the mornings you make me ruminate on what I need to do, on what I am forgetting, constantly not letting me be in the present moment. Why won't you just let me be?

Anxiety, sometimes I think you are my friend. You are comforting at times. Like a bad habit, I will turn to you in times of need. I will wrap you around me like a blanket and let you keep me warm, even though I know you are no good for me. You are a blanket of fire that will leave burns all over my body.

Anxiety, you tire me out. You wear on me, day in and day out. I put up a front for others that I do not have you and it takes a toll. I put up a front for myself as well. If I do not, you overtake me. You consume me. I become you and lose myself. Anxiety, I am not you.

Anxiety, you make me want to cry, yell and not speak all at once. Anxiety... What have you done to me? And yet what would I be without you?

Anxiety, I just don't know.

Sincerely,

Me

I just want to play with toys again...

Can I have this operation?

Tentative dx: Bad boy broke teddy's heart heart.
Fear needs to be replaced with curiosity.

What is the prognosis? Hopeful...

Cocoon of No Self

Self-doubt is painful. It is crippling. Did I do well enough? Am I going to be good enough? Etc..etc..?  The solution is simple. Look outside. Look beyond the self. That is why it is called self-doubt. Without the self it doesn't exist. Look where you can help. Look where you are needed. Then you will no longer exist. You will get lost in duty.  When you find yourself again the self doubt might no longer be. It might emerge as self-confidence and self-esteem.

I wouldn't yet know I am still in the development coccoon, hopefully to emerge on the other side.

Break Free

Let go of everything that doesn't bring you peace of mind

Let go of comparison, it TRULY is the thief of joy. In anything it won't leave you feeling better or any closer on accomplishing to what you want. Whether it is a relationship, money, or accomplishments.

Let go of anger. You can feel it but do not ruminate on it.

Let go of sadness. Again, feel it but do not keep coming back to it in order to feel something. You are not a victim. You are the writer of your own destiny. GO!

Let go of not holding yourself accountable. You are responsible for yourself. Stop making excuses. You know better. Really you do.

Let go of anything that doesn't serve to better you. Think about whatever these may be? It could be harmful relationships that you could be holding on to because you are afraid of being alone. Or it could be a bad job because you do not think yourself worthy of following your passion. It could be a bad habit that you know you should quit but you do not feel yourself strong enough of breaking.

Let go of these misconceptions, they are in your mind. Break free...