Sleepless

Patience, patience...
It will come together in due time.
Then it will all fall apart.
This is the way.

Let the anxiety flow through you.
Express that energy in selfless deeds.
Think outside yourself.
When you focus on the suffering of others,
yours will minimize in comparison.

Fill your heart with passion.
Embrace emotions.
They will take you from the greatest highs,
To the worst lows.
Just feel, you do not have to react.

Remember to love
Cherish what you hold dear
and do not forget your values.
Ask yourself,
"Is this the life I want to live?"

Refocus

When the overwhelm hits, take a moment. Refocus on what is important. Do not get caught up in the pull.

Just take a breath and refocus what you truly know. Feel what is shining bright inside you. Allow that to wash over you. Your potential to be what you can be. Its always there. Its pushing you to do more. To be a change, a force to be reckoned with, a role model, a motivator, a soul escaping through actions.

Do not let life stifle your voice and passion. Yes, it hurts sometimes. Yes, its not perfect. Yes, its not always fair. But the struggle is what pushes you to be more.

Life can cause bruises that sting. And they can leave marks for you to look back at. Do not hold on to them. Do not let them make you bitter. Do not compare your bruises to others. They happened. You can keep poking at the bruise and it will never heal or you can learn from what occurred and let the bruise mend on its own in time.

Acceptance

Let me accept. Accept the fear, accept the change, accept the happiness in my life.

Strangely enough I fear the happiness the most as I am afraid that it will soon fade. Let me revel in those moments of peace. And in the darkness let me remember that the light will shine again. Let me learn from the hardship. In times where I am tested, whether physically or mentally, I hope that I am pushed to grow.

Let me accept it all. Let me face it, with my eyes shining and a smile on my lips. Let me run into it. I want to live. I want to experience. I want to be present. I want to feel. The highs, the lows and the in betweens.

Be Still...

I am burdened with what the Buddhists call the ‘monkey mind’ – the thoughts that swing from limb to limb, stopping only to scratch themselves, spit and howl.
Elizabeth Gilbert

Hush, hush... Be patient... It will come... And it will go...
Do not fret. All in good time. My monkey mind you worry so.
Just let it go...

Strength

What is strength? Some may think of muscles. Some may think of an emotionless surgeon. Some may think of bricks. So what is the definition of strength?

Strength, I believe, depends on each situation. Strength can come from holding back. Strength can be from pushing on. Strength can come in small gestures or in big decisions. It can be a confident yell or a shaking murmur but nonetheless both demonstrate strength.

I hope that in the years to come I grow in strength. I can only hope. It is not something I can force but when the load comes I hope that I can bear it. I hope the same for all of you.

A Prayer Into the Unknown...

May I go where I am needed. Where ever fate desires me best. May I not resist that path and enjoy the views along the way. And if I need to resist I hope that it is for a just cause. May I learn to quiet the chattering mind that yearns for so much yet gets lost along the way when it runs ahead. May I be accepting of the dark, the light and the in-between. Not only in others but in myself. May I give myself more space so that I am able to act and not react. And if I am reactive, forgive myself and try again. May I see emotions for what they are, circumstances manifesting themselves in me. May I not take things personally. However may I understand the emotions of others and be empathetic.
May I be kind to each life I meet. May I treat each life like I would want to be treated. May I be strong enough to remember good values in tough times. With each passing year may I grow wiser and realize what it truly important.

A Letter To My Anxiety

Hello Anxiety,

I wish I wasn't saying hello to you again, but you are always around. Buzzing around in the back of my mind. Flitting from one thought to the next. You keep me from focusing on what needs to get accomplished. You keep me from being at my best. You keep me tossing and turning at the end of the day deep into the night. You make me wake up gasping for air in the darkness from a gut wrenching nightmare. In the mornings you make me ruminate on what I need to do, on what I am forgetting, constantly not letting me be in the present moment. Why won't you just let me be?

Anxiety, sometimes I think you are my friend. You are comforting at times. Like a bad habit, I will turn to you in times of need. I will wrap you around me like a blanket and let you keep me warm, even though I know you are no good for me. You are a blanket of fire that will leave burns all over my body.

Anxiety, you tire me out. You wear on me, day in and day out. I put up a front for others that I do not have you and it takes a toll. I put up a front for myself as well. If I do not, you overtake me. You consume me. I become you and lose myself. Anxiety, I am not you.

Anxiety, you make me want to cry, yell and not speak all at once. Anxiety... What have you done to me? And yet what would I be without you?

Anxiety, I just don't know.

Sincerely,

Me