Showing posts from February, 2016

Wide awake, why am I awake?

A simple sorry can lift a huge weight. Speaking from your heart can do wonders. When things are simple, they are pure. Clearing away the tangled webs of ego and pride can be healing. Often times it can take drastic events to make you realize what is important. Family, friends, love, memories. Don't grasp on to the past, you can't change it. Plan for the future but don't obsess about it, it hasn't come. Be here in the now. Enjoy the now, whatever you are doing, with whomever you are with. 


I heard you say once that a lie is sweet in the beginning but bitter in the end.
And that truth is bitter in the beginning and sweet in the end...
How difficult is to hear "do better?" or even worse "you're not good enough". I'll admit I'm not a fan of rejection, no matter how small. What if that is your best? What if you are getting rejected for just the way you are?
I guess I am no expert on the subject since I built up many walls against rejection. Often I either don't engage in something I care about or if I do and do not get the result I initially wanted I may stifle my emotions. Healthy? Probably not. 
But when that feeling of pain after rejection comes up we can let it wash over us. No victim mentality. They probably weren't trying to attack us anyways. Feeling the anger is fine too. Naturally it shouldn't feel good to get a negative comment. But no they aren't mean for expressing their opinion. Just let it be. Don't react in…

I Just Can't Hide

When there is so much at stake
Tell me is this real or is this fake
I'm circling around this room
I keep running and I don't know why
I see my Demons and I just can't hide
Say no. I wanna let go

Sometimes I do wonder why I just keep running. I sometimes feel that constant urge to just do something. Anything. Maybe a silent, inner self-destructive nature. My little monkey mind constantly buzzing. Sometimes its louder. Sometimes it whispers. Sometimes I don't think I can even hear it.

I wish it wasn't there and yet at times I miss it. It gives me some crazy ideas, puts the spark in my life. Sometimes it gets me in trouble. Other times I am thankful for the madness that it instills for it is almost a blessing.

I guess what I am trying to say is that with that running monkey mind I have been trying to watch what it says before reacting. Creating that space is difficult. But I try, try, try...

Daily Heartbreak

I feel like I love too much.
Which has lead me in the other end of the spectrum, shutting off my emotions completely.

Its a daily occurrence. Daily imagining of how things could be. I fall in love of what could be.
Of how my life could play out.

I fall in love with how it could be if I was to apply for a certain summer internship. Imagining my wonderful summer abroad exploring a foreign country.

I fall in love with my goals, of what ifs. What if I do that then best case scenario my life will take me on this great adventure.

I fall in love with stories imaging how it would be like if I was to do as in the story.

I fall in love with stolen glances imaging a wonderful future.

I fall in love with places and houses imagining visiting there or living there.

And yet these all without a doubt lead to heartbreak.

My naivety has not caused problems previously when I believed that what could be can always come true.

Sadly lately I've lost that belief. The combination of true heartbreak and s…