The Art of Science

My wildest dreams have come true. I was accepted to the position of my dreams in San Diego as a Laboratory Animal Medicine Resident. The first two months have been quite trying. But also incredibly fun. I love what I am doing but constantly worrying about my decisions. Medicine, like life, is not black and white. There is an art to it with an infinitesimal amount of variables to take into consideration. Sometimes what it comes down to is faith. There is great difficulty in this. When I do not achieve the expected result after hours of work, hope, and prayers for the best outcome I feel frustrated and crushed.

My faith is shaken. In myself, in medicine, in science, even in the process of effort.

"Eloi, eloi, lama sabashtthani" is a saying by Jesus at the ninth hour of the cross. It means "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me". It is an utterance of abandonment. Of hopelessness. These are common feelings when things don't go according to plan even when the best intentions were set. Its easy to lose motivation and to keep going at that point.

Residency will definitely push me to find enough inspiration to keep motivation to push on during difficult times, but not so much that I am perpetually burned. The reminder I willl set is that the faith is always there, sometimes I may just need to take a step back, re-charge, and continue on.