On Being Selfish

That's right, you didn't misread the title. This post is going to be on being selfish, really reveling in all that you can give yourself. For how can you give to others if you can't give to yourself. I have found lately that by understanding and accepting my needs I can set proper boundaries and strive for things that make me truly happy. For it is only then that I can give to others when I myself overflow with abundance. By being selfish, not materially may I add or in anyway that comes from a place of fear, we can truly become selfless. When we are selfish we become satisfied and do not crave more rather feel free to give. So be selfish with yourself, make sure that it comes from a place that is genuine and true. Take that rest when you need it, go after something that you truly want, or say a kind word to make yourself feel good. Whatever it is you know it and only you know whether it comes from fear or from love for yourself. Be selfish but only so much that you can give it all right back and more.

The Choice of Flight

That constant need to be reminded has been on my mind lately. Most of us know better, especially considering the alternatives, and yet often enough I'm sure most of us find ourselves in ignorance. A harsh word, a judgmental assumption, an ego boosting or bashing thought. Yet they happen time in and out. That never ending cycle of downs and ups.

Where is that neutral, calm in between? And how do we make it stick?

Practice is what my Buddhist instructor would say. Meditation is when we can practice this easiest and try to keep this as we get up after and resume the day. Even during meditation it may be difficult to keep the mind from constantly swinging on the vines of different thoughts, constantly jumping from one idea to the next. There is that constant want to cling. Underneath the want there is also the fear of living without the want. That clinging seems safe. The approach that I will try is to allow moments to remember, to come back to the nest. But once that's done to throw myself back out to fly. Each moment we find ourselves attaching, we must remember to let go. In time it will become easier to spread those wings and soar.

Big Bummer of a Summer

A leaky faucet, a knee that can barely be walked on, an AC unit during a Californian summer that has a bad motor. These things add up. Little annoyances that can leave one stressed. In my case they leave me overwhelmed and feeling stuck. So what remains is how to deal with whats been piled on. Looking at these problems in a cluster makes them just that, messy and difficult. Breaking them up can help ease the solutions into place. And after all is solved, the plumbers tape holding in the leaks, the knee that's iced and the electrician has been called, whats left is the hardest of them all. The feeling of unfairness that this all of this is happening to me. The victim mentality that leave us drained and tired of life's little problems. The "how could it" jumps at us after anything difficult or even mildly irritating comes up. This backdrop just views life as a nuisance but which should be looked on as a challenge. When that moment comes where everything adds up and all seems wrong and gloomy, turn around and shout right back that you are more than ready!

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…it’s learning to dance in the rain.

A Whole Month Later!

So much has gone on in this past month, which is when the last post was. Excuse the lack of updates but I've been super busy. I've had my dad visiting this entire month and let me tell you it was quite a change from constantly being by myself to having someone with me 24/7. Nothing like the presence of another to really take a look at yourself. He got to experience my highs, lows and inbetweens. This usually would have not been as noticed had I been by myself but having him present it made me more aware. All the meanwhile he was also helping me renovate and move everything into the condo I'll be living at while attending UCI. Sometimes it got to me that I was constantly having to take another persons ideas into consideration. But that is how life is. We can be selfish and only want things to go how we want them. Where is the fun in that? Where is the learning in being by your lonesome self? Where is the diversity and love? No where! We need others, to help them and for them to help us. Its a give, take sort of world so make sure you're doing your part!