31.

Last Monday was my birthday. The questions that arose when faced with the passing of time made me take a step back and reflect. Is this what I want? How am I doing? Really? What do I want to keep and change?
This year has been intense. Starting my dream residency in beautiful San Diego. Creating a home. A new relationship. A wonderful relationship. Working with a new team and new species. So much learning. Not just medicine, but personally and professionally.
But is this what I want? Externally life may seem together, perhaps often precariously balanced. Internally I am still battling the same fights. Constantly fighting to improve my confidence and self-esteem. Never feeling good enough.

So how am I doing? Stressed, tired, anxious, sometimes depressed. But that internal fire to keep going has never burned out. Really? But really... sometimes I get overwhelmed and its all too much, especially during a pandemic and during a time of such turmoil. So then I seek solace and temporary relief in reflection, and then get right back to the grind.

And what do I want to keep? I want to keep my tenacity, my strength, resilience. And change? In the next year I would like to develop a habit for more pauses before action. Be less reflexive. Not allow my emotions to consume me. And take the time to value the good in my life such as family and friends.

Heres to another year spinning around this earth.