This past weekend has been spent surrounded by very inspiring individuals. Makers, do-ers, discoverers, searchers. And yet all so humble. I suppose that is what drives the medical profession, or scientists in general. We are usually never satisfied.
Right now I am frustrated at myself with my lack of motivation and inspiration. With my lack of purpose. It feels pointless and frustrating to live like this. A life with purpose is everything. Find purpose and you have everything. Purpose can always change. But to live without it is meaningless. It is a waste.
I know that I will find purpose again, however, right now I am in limbo. I know that I should be studying for the NAVLE, which I am. But that is purpose in itself. There is no passion behind it. Purpose should be self-driven. You cannot help but think about it. You cannot help but obsess about it. I want to find that something again. My dangerous love, where are you??
Its been an interesting two weeks back after coming back to school from spring break. Some things I though I lost but I'm now realizing that nothing ever really is. Things become transformed. Even the bad can turn into a lesson learned and in that way help one grow and understand themselves better. The "should have, could have, would have" doesn't belong in anybodies life because its done and happened. One can dwell and beat themselves up even more or one can face it, learn from it, and then let it go. With that I must let you all go until the next post.
"A better version of myself could have prevented this from happening. The better version, the genuine version, I'd like to think, could have caught the small thing that became the big thing. I figured that if he wanted to go home, I wasn't going to stand in the way. I didn't make a mistake, in the usual sense of the word, I just didn't try hard enough." TEDx.
These small regrets haunt us. What if, what if...I guess from these we learn to be better since these mistakes sear into our brains. Push us to open up, push us to give and do more. Sometimes it's because these mistakes are irreversible, that they make all the difference. Regret is a heavy burden that can only be lifted with stronger shoulders.