I know that feeling. You have to do something. You have to change something radically, because you can’t stay like you are for another second, or you’re going to explode.
Its exam time and I should be spending my time studying or sleeping or doing anything else except this but I have itching to let my feelings flow.
I am struggling with just being. I constantly feel my heart pull this way and that. Its frustrating and I admit I've been out of practice catching myself. I've been giving in to my every whim. No thought or very little of it behind my actions. Now that I am trying to give my mind a little more room its a little disheartening. I see myself trying to bury pain with things or people or activities. And I know these can be good things but there is a constant flurry of activity just trying to prevent myself from thinking. Trying to prevent myself from feeling. There is no internal peace that I can come back to rest on. There is no ground for everything to stand on. Which is why everything always comes crumbling down.
I am not sure what I am trying to say here. Maybe that I want to find solid footing again. I don't know how to begin or if I will. Maybe this is the first step.